Combatting Imposter Syndrome: An Exercise

January. This is the time of year when imposter syndrome hits me the worst. As I look back on the year behind me, I oscillate between feelings of “oh wow I did a lot!” and feelings of “but was it enough? There are so many things I wanted to do that I didn’t…” Christmas cards (failed, again). Starting a book (maybe this year?). Applying for more training courses (honestly, where do people find the time?).

Many workplaces also use the beginning or end of the year to do performance reviews, where you are literally assessed based on your output through the year. You are evaluated on if you did well enough for that raise, bonus, promotion— or to just keep your job.

It’s a recipe for Imposter Syndrome. “Did I do enough” can quickly become “am I good enough” or “am I worthy enough?” We focus on our failures instead of our successes, and, just like trying NOT to think about elephants, suddenly that’s all you can think about, and it snowballs. The negative thoughts can easily take over. It can be overwhelming.

If you find yourself in one of those negative spirals- feeling like an imposter, like you’re not good enough, like somehow you’ve snuck by and you’re awful and you’re going to be found out and that you’re not worthy after all… try this exercise.

Instead of trying to suppress those negative thoughts, give them space. Let it out.

Write out (by hand is ideal, but any method would do. Done is better than perfect.) the negative thoughts racing through your mind, without judgment, whatever they are. Thoughts are just thoughts- they’re not truth. Just let the words out, non-judgmentally. Let them be what they are- just words.

Write the thoughts as they come to you, even if they repeat- just write them out until they lose power. Pour them out of you until the hose goes from gushing to a trickle. It will, eventually. You’re releasing the pressure from your internal pressure cooker and giving them space. You might feel like crying. Do it. Give yourself the space to feel whatever you’re feeling, no judgment.

Once you’ve slowed to a trickle and the words are out, get a new sheet of paper.

On this sheet of paper, do the same thing, but with evidence to the contrary. Why are you awesome? What compliments did you get? What did your friends say you were good at? What kindness did you bring into the world today? What positive feedback did you get? What cool things did you do that you were recognized for?

Think of any positive notion, any evidence that you might not, in fact, be awful or be unworthy, and write it down, again, without judgment. Give it the same space. Notice I say evidences here- not just thoughts, though those are welcome too. What we’re digging for here is evidences of our skills, of what we’re good at, of compliments offered our way, of ways in which we don’t suck. We are filling the cistern emptied of those negative thoughts with positive, constructive evidence.

If you find yourself thinking “yeah, Heather said I did well at this, but…” stop yourself right there. Just write down what Heather said. You already gave the buts space. It’s time for the other side.

If you’re deep in a negative spiral, this might not pour out with the same intensity at first- you might have to dig for it- and you might have to practice stopping before the “but… [they were just being nice/ I was just lucky/ I was in the right place at the right time/ it was a good guess/ they didn’t mean it, etc], but give yourself the grace and the space for the positive thoughts too.

Try to fill up a whole page with your positive “evidence.” Even more than a page. Even if your tendency is to minimize your strengths and accomplishments, give them just this space of time to be possibly true, without any modifiers or minimizers. For a few moments at least, you are *that* awesome.

Reflect on what you’ve written. How do you feel after that exercise? Do you notice anything? Are you writing in first person (I) or second person (you)? Does that change between the positive and negative writings? How does the volume of your negative thoughts compare to your positive ones? Are you more specific in one vs the other (e.g. “I am not good enough.” vs “Sally said she was really impressed at how quickly I was learning pickleball.”)? What else do you feel? How did it feel to let the negative thoughts out and put them on paper? How did it feel to give the positive evidences space to be true?

Here’s the trap: There is always going to be space to improve, no matter how far we progress. There is always going to be a space to move into where we can be better, and that leaves us open to feeling like we’re not enough- it can be a source for those negative or imposter thoughts, and it’s easy to overindex on the negative and overlook the positive. (Consider your last performance review- did you focus more on what you did right? Or what you did wrong?) When we overemphasize the negative, we have a tendency to downplay even the small evidences that actually we are doing a good job. At least somewhere, at least sometimes.

Negative thoughts thrive in darkness- when we bring them into the light, they lose their power. Like a child you give space to cry and scream it out, and then can talk to afterwards, once their feelings and frustration are spent.

We are not perfect. We are never going to be perfect. But that doesn’t mean we are awful, unworthy, or imposters. We are human and we are growing. And we are doing better than we think.